Summer Top Ten Revisited

So as we approach the last long weekend of the summer of 2008, I find myself thinking back over the course of the last two and half months or so. What have I done? What didn't I do that I thought I would? And what surprises have come along the way?

There is so much I've enjoyed about this summer, so many surprises that have met me along this journey that I thought I had well mapped out, And isn't that just the best thing you can hope for?

In reviewing my little Summer Top Ten list, the first thing that struck me was that the only item on the list that included, without doubt, anyone else other than myself was my hope for an invitation to a friend's cottage. And as it would turn out that was the one that had the greatest impact on me.

Let's review, shall we?

First, the easy part... What on my list did I get done? As I mentioned, I've been to a friend's cottage. Twice actually. With one more visit planned for this weekend. That's a big woo hoo! The trip to Kensington Market with my son Parker was a rousing success for us both, you've heard all about my unfortunate yet really fun day at the beach, Arbor Dogs were an easy one to accomplish on the beach day and I've made my way through a couple of great books to boot. For those teachers or accountants out there, that's five of the ten in the list that I can handily check off.

What did I miss? Well, I didn't get to AGO or the ROM but on my trip to San Francisco I was lucky to enjoy an afternoon at the Museum of Modern Art so I think I can call that one a "sort of" done.

I have not gone to a Jays game, seen a movie at a drive-in, gone to Fergus or the Toronto Zoo (or the African Lion Safari as an alternate). But as the optimist I am this is what I can say; I am blessed and happy to have replaced those items with...

I had a beautiful, spontaneous picnic on the banks of our Grand River and enjoyed conversation, great wine and impromptu visits from boys who were successful in their frog-catching expedition.

I went on my first out-of-country vacation in over three years, as I said, to San Francisco, met new friends, enjoyed fantastic food and had a poetry-inspiring lunch on a patio overlooking a winery in the the beautiful Napa Valley.

And best of all, I had a door opened up for me that I had considered closed for a very long time. More on that as time goes on but it has allowed me to view my future and my life with an optimism and exuberance that I haven't had for I can't say how long.

I think, at the end of the day, at the end of the summer, and at the beginning of this new chapter, I can say that I have most certainly come out ahead.

You have to love it when you find a path you didn't think existed and it takes you someplace wonderful.

Hello, again

It feels like it’s been ages… well, it has been ages really.

I haven’t written anything lately for a few reasons and even as I sit here writing now, I’m not sure I can articulate with any real clarity what they are.

First, it’s summer and time seems to travel at a different pace in the summer… more slowly but more quickly at the same time. There’s no explaining it really except to say that I have, on several occasions, found myself being acutely aware of the incredible passing of time while noting a moment seeming to last longer than one could hope or dream. Does that make any sense at all? Probably not.

Second, I have been busy changing. And change takes time, effort and energy. By no means am I done but I certainly feel that I have turned a corner. An important one that without navigating, the hopes and dreams I held for myself would surely never come true.

As one of my true friends recently told me right here on this blog: “Sometimes, it is difficult to hear because of the noise of others. The noise is comprised of opinions, judgments, identifications, and criticisms of you. You must filter the noise to hear the truth.” And that’s what I have been working at doing. The funny thing is, that as I resigned myself to a future that I was welcoming of but thought to be less than what I had once hoped for, I found that everything I was seeking was right there in front of me. Go figure. Once I shut off the voices of doubt, judgment and disappointment, all the messages of hope and love and happiness were loud and clear. I thank you, my friend, for reminding me of that pure and wise message.

And so here I am… watching the few remaining days of summer pass by while I fill them with all things and people I love. I am excited and hope-filled. Who could ask for more?

“Change, when it comes, cracks everything open.”
Dorothy Allison