Happy Endings

I was watching a movie on the weekend, which shall remain nameless because when it comes right down to it, the name of the movie is really irrelevant. It's about the ending though and it is a tale repeated over and over again on movie screens and in dvd's every single day.

I am wondering about Hollywood’s fascination with happy endings, specifically where relationships are concerned. Now don’t get me wrong, I love a happy ending as much as the next gal but sometimes they just seem to go overboard with the perfection thing. So I was wondering is the problem with Hollywood or with me?

After experiencing what I have over the course of my lifetime my faith in happy endings was at best greatly diminished and at worst, a distant memory… Depended on the day really. And yet the movies that I go to see, television shows that I watch continue to revert back to the age-old boy-meets-girl, boy-loses-girl, boy-gets-girl-back story line whether it is over the course of a couple of hours in a theatre or over a season in my living room.

I think of myself as an optimistic realist… I believe in something better but am always prepared for something worse. I lead a happy, full life… I have wonderful friends, my family is healthy and loves me as much as I love them. I want for nothing, I am blessed in so many ways and I pay attention to my blessings because I have lived without them and I want to drink them in every moment. But I also want the pleasure of sharing my happiness with someone who wants to share theirs with me just as much. And I don't think I'm unique in that regard either.

I have on my refrigerator a great compilation of magnets and messages, photos and notes that is an ever-changing collage of how I view my life at the moment, but the one piece that you will always find there is this:

My Favourite Fairy Tale

Once upon a time, a girl asked a guy "Will you marry me?"

The guy said "no."

And the girl lived happily ever after and went shopping, to the theatre, dancing, traveling, drank martinis, always had a clean house and never had to cook...

And farted whenever she wanted.

The End

Having had some experience with being passed over as the girl of choice, I find solace in this happy little tale. And I have decided that I will embark on writing my own happy ending. I posted that as my status today on Facebook... "Sally is writing her own happy ending" and within in minutes I had messages from friends either asking me to write theirs as well or let me know how it turns out so they can do the same.

This is my story… No Hollywood ending but a happy one. My life. And my heart.

Ferris Wheels and Memories

The funniest thing happened today (not on the way to the forum but funny none-the-less). I was updating my status on Facebook (a happy little task I can perform from my cell phone which gives me no end of pleasure as I get comments and responses from my assortment of Facebook friends) with what, I thought was a unique comment on what I was doing.

If there is anyone out there... anyone at all, who is not aware of how Facebook works, in addition to accumulating friends, applications, groups, fans, messages, pokes as well as countless other seemingly unrelated pieces of information or detail which, when pieced together, weave an interesting portrait of who you are, you can also update your status. It is a short, one-line sentence which lets your friends and observers know what you're up to.

My update went like this:

Sally is... wondering if she can justify riding the ferris wheel all afternoon.

I thought nothing more about it.

If you are wondering why I was wondering such an odd thing on a Tuesday afternoon, I was delightfully surprised to find, right in the middle of my territory, a mini-carnival set up in a mall parking lot. Complete with, amongst many other enticements, candy floss and the aforementioned ferris wheel.

And as I said, once I posted the status update I gave it no more thought. It wasn't long however, before I got my first response questioning a ferris wheel in the middle of the day in the middle of an urban core. Then another. Mid-way through my afternoon, the best question of all came through my in-box.

What's a ferris wheel?

Before you read any further, I challenge you to, off the top of your head, define a ferris wheel. To someone who lives in Sweden. Without speaking Swedish.

Some of the biggest delights I have with my Facebook profile are the new connections I have been fortunate to make with people all over this earth. I have new friends in the UK, Venezuela, Egypt, Denmark, Poland, Norway, South Africa, Germany as well as dotting the United States and my beloved Canada. What a wonderful thing that is! I am blessed with friendships I can't imagine having forged otherwise. And I am blessed to have someone to talk to at just about any hour of the day or night (no small miracle for someone who spends countless hours awake and alone like I do).

And so my challenge of the day was to define a ferris wheel to my Swedish friend. I could use none of the descriptions that immediately came to mind; the place where Danny S. kissed me and I fell hopelessly for him when I was 15 years old... the best place in the world to see the view of the Woodstock Fair... the place where I had to bury my oldest son's face deep in my coat to stop him from screaming when he was a tiny boy, while we rode for what seemed an eternity. So many memories and none would translate.

I muddled through I think, with a lame attempt at describing it visually and making some reference to the Eye of London (it is called the Eye isn't it... if not that would explain why I haven't heard back from my friend).

But I challenge you to come up with your own best ferris wheel memory. I bet you have some that will bring a smile to your face... as mine did to me.

About that Judge and Jury Thing...

This is an interesting predicament.

I am getting lots of feedback on my last blog post, from friends (as in in-person friends I see day-to-day) as well as Facebook friends (that wonderful group of people I only know electronically but value completely)...

So that's good, right? People are reading my blog... Yippee!! Happy gal I am. But it's what they're saying...

Apparently I am causing concern. Equally from my in-person friends as my electronic ones. So I am here to hopefully calm your fears.

There is no doubt that I have been struggling with certain challenges lately, but then again, who hasn't? The blessing I am getting from this struggle is two-fold.

First, for the first time in my life probably, I am being totally open with how I'm feeling about things with people other than myself. No brave face, no smile to cover the pain. Just me. That, to me, is a blessing. It is a huge step forward in my own personal journey and am thankful for this opportunity.

Second, and what makes the first blessing even more remarkable, is that despite exposing my less-than-positive side, my weaknesses, my troubles, I am getting sincere, heart-felt messages of encouragement, hope and concern. From people I have known for years and from people I have known for days. Unexpected messages of support appear before me and I am lifted.

Could I be any luckier? I don't think so.

We all have our problems in life, that is not unique to me and mine are a cake-walk in comparison to others. What we should be thankful for, what I am enormously grateful for, is having people who are cheering me on towards better days.

Across the universe

I believe in goodness. I really do.

In my life I have faced my share of bad times... worse than some but certainly not as bad stories I have heard from others. I have been privileged by being entrusted with heartbreaking recollections from people who have shown more strength in overcoming their pasts than I can ever imagine possessing. Human beings' capacity for committing horrors upon its own kind and those with which we share this earth is both frightening and discouraging.

And yet, despite all that, I am hopeful. I believe in goodness. And I'll tell you why (what did you expect? This is a blog after all).

I have, as you may have read, been experiencing some difficulty coping lately. It comes and goes, but lately it has felt particularly debilitating. I'm sure there are a number of reasons for that but how I got here isn't what I want to focus on. What I want to talk about, what has amazed me, and what will give me the strength to know I will emerge and be just fine is what has happened as I have shared my struggle.

I am a Facebook-er. Love it. Have fun all the time and visit multiple times most days. Among the many applications you can add to your profile is one called Give Good Karma. It's a simple little notion, get good given to you and share it... pay it forward. When I was feeling particularly low, lonely, lost... I indicated that I needed some good karma (a very nice little bonus that the creators of the application added that coincidently I hadn't noticed until, go figure, I needed it.). This sent a call for help out across the cyber-universe that I wasn't sure would be heard.

Within minutes messages of hope and support started coming in. People, strangers to me, began responding and telling me I wasn't alone, that I was strong enough to get past this, that hope exists and I should find shelter in that hope.

This world can be a terrible place and we are reminded of that, bombarded with the images and stories of that fact daily, hourly.

But to me... a woman living alone in Ontario, Canada it is filled with people who have so much caring in them, that they are willing to perform a simple, pure act of kindness for someone they have no likelihood of meeting. I have thanked all of them and I have made efforts to pay this goodness forward. And I will continue to do so.

Always remember, your small acts of kindness most surely mean more to the recipient than you will ever know. I can tell you that for sure.