Free Hugs

I am a hugger... I am fine in admitting that fact. I don't know when I became a hugger (probably right around the birth of my oldest boy, come to think of it) but I've been one for as long as I can remember now. Not a tree-hugger either (well, it's not that I'm not a tree-hugger, it's just that trees are not on the top of my hug list). I'm a people hugger.

In being a hugger, there are certain precautions one must take because not all people are huggers like me.

First of course, it's rarely appropriate to hug at the office although I have to admit, I have worked in my present job long enough, feel like I know and like my co-workers well enough that I have to remind myself not to hug when I see them in the office.

Second, as I mentioned not everyone is a hugger and it's important to respect others' boundaries above all. I learned during my work at the Women's Centre that hugs are not always welcome and they can in fact trigger some pretty awful, primal responses over which the recipient has no control. I am so lucky that I am not restricted by the pain unwanted touch causes a person but I am aware of its impact and respectful of the pain it causes in others. What I also learned at the Centre though is that it is perfectly fine to let a person who you know is in pain know that you are available to give hugs as often as wanted, one only needs to ask.

But when it comes right down to it, I'm a hugger... unabashed and unashamed. I am a true believer in the power of positive human contact. I know that when I give or receive a hug, I feel better, happier, lighter. There seems to be an exchange of happiness between people that at the same times leaves less room for troubles or worries and so they go... if only for a moment. And sometimes, even just a moment of less worry, pain, concern is a blessing.

So just so you know... when you need a hug, I'm here. Virtually if not in person.

Hugs to you all

*See the great Free Hug campaign commercial here....

A Full Heart

My son came home from afar this week. He has been gone, living abroad since August of last year and I last saw his face, hugged him, heard his laughter, when he was home over the Christmas holidays.

I love my boys, oh how I love them. They are each kind, funny, smart, wonderful young men… unique in their perfections and imperfections and similar in their mannerisms and charms. It takes me aback at times when I consider who they have become and from where they have come… From little boys with skinned knees and tears, hospital visits and pet store acquisitions, giggles and games all on the road to becoming to men that I am so proud to know let alone have the privilege of parenting.

But it is my duty as a parent to, from the moment they enter my life, prepare them to leave me and succeed on their own. That is my duty and I owe them that and so much more. So I have done my best and loved them more than I imagined possible. And now, as they move forward with their lives, as they should, I am left to cheer them from way back on the sidelines. As I should. The cheering part, that’s always been easy… But the sidelines part… that is hard.

Our hearts at times seem independent spirits… it is without our will or consent how deeply they devote themselves to others and it is often a surprise to us how fully they feel love. It is a blessing in every way but it is equally surprising how deeply they feel hurt when the objects of our affections are not close to us.

Much has been written about distance between hearts but what I think is it’s the one distance you are most acutely aware of. It’s the one that wakes you up in the middle of the night or makes you think of that person in the middle of a busy day. It is distracting and occupying. When you are close, it feels like your heart beats stronger and that space in it, saved for that person, is filled.

I am so happy my boys are all near to me. I will drink up their love now and on into the future as they continue to scatter along the paths of their lives.

Spring Cleaning

First off, I would like to apologize for staying away for so long. I wish I had a good excuse but really, not so much. Life has been pretty much the same and aside from an annoying problem with my car, a ridiculously funny prank played on me by my coworkers (when you least expect it, I will exact my revenge... mwah ha haaa!) and finally, finally getting my clothes switched for the seasons, things have been ordinary.

But as the last remnants of a long holiday weekend slip through my fingers I have come to a bit of a realization and I thought I'd share that with you.

I love a long weekend and even if the weather is uncooperative, as it has been on this one, it still offers ample opportunity to do things differently... change up your routine... find a different perspective. And that is just what has happened to me.

It has been a bit of a progression of late... I can tell you, and often have, that I have felt out of sorts for a while; that things have not felt right and as I struggled to find a reason why, something to point to as a source of my discontent, a thing to change, it occurred to me to change the one thing I have complete and total control over. Me.

I have, over time, become less of who I know myself to be. In my effort to get myself through the challenges of starting life over, I have forgotten the most basic of all lessons... Trust your gut. And be brave. I haven't been doing either of those things for a while and in turning my back on who I truly am I have made mistakes, strayed down paths that were not right for me and worst of all, hurt people I love. In my fear of further loss I have made bad judgments and done things that do nothing to bring myself or anyone I love or care about closer to happiness.

Well that's enough of that. I am not about to say that I will not make more mistakes because knowing myself as well as I do, I can tell you that making mistakes is something I am very good at. I'm just usually not so slow to correct my path. But correct it I will. Day by day and deed by deed.

And I'll share that journey with you as well. Thank you for sticking around.

Saturday Night Perfection...

So, after my less-than-fun Friday night experience (and here's a word to the wise, chips & dip at 10:00 at night after a couple of cosmopolitans is, generally speaking, a bad idea... a word to the wise because I know you were thinking of going down that exact path as we speak), I have been blessed to have a purely enjoyable Saturday night.

Now, before you get all excited, or even worse, titillated, I went to my friends' home for dinner (with their two delightful children). It actually started with just dropping by for a quick drink with my girlfriend while she enjoyed some precious quiet alone time while everyone was out of the house (which, as a blessing in itself, made me remember how much I looked forward to those quiet moments I now take for granted day-to-day)... We had a glass of wine, chatted about nothing and everything at the exact same time and I found myself being able to be so present in the moment of happiness it felt like I was actually able to slow down time to really relish every moment.

Before too long, her family came home, bit by bit. Her sweet little boy who makes me miss and love my boys so much it hurts while at the same time laugh with pure happiness in his gleeful boy-ness, and then her husband and daughter.

We enjoyed a magificent dinner (not a plastic, microwavable tray to be found), some delicious wine and conversation that started with this charming little boy announcing "I could eat so much of this salmon and not even barf." Could life get more perfect than that? Not today.

I am blessed.