Change of Pace

So, one of the things that I like about being a real adult (as opposed to the adult I imagined myself as growing up to be, although I think that adult indulged in complete self-absorbtion totally absent of income, responsibility or consequence) is that on occasion, when required or requested, I can alter the pace of my life just a bit for just a while.

And that's what I did today.

Today, I did almost nothing... short of eating (naturally), making a list of items to pack for my upcoming trip (lots more about that in future correspondence) and enjoying a couple of glasses of wine (oh my... in the middle of the day, no less).

And this I love. Nothing special is sometimes just a special as something special, if that makes sense. Yesterday I spent the day hanging out with my best girlfriends, laughing and talking and reminiscning and enjoying each other and today I am extending that luxury to another day of out-of-the-ordinary behaviour. Tomorrow, I will get back to work and from what I can see coming so far, things will be a little crazy for a little while.

But today, there is none of that. Today, there is just the sound of music in the background, pages of my favourite magazine turning and the unusual sound of what... what could that be???

The sound of squirrels duelling (or chatting or flirting) on my balcony.

I kid you not... How's that for a change of pace?

Calling out...

Remember me? It's been a long time... a really long time and I have to say I've missed you. So much has happened in the past almost-year that it would take up too much time (and you'd probably nod off after only a few minutes) so I'll spare you the details. For now.

But why, you might be asking, am I back now? What brought me back?

Was it seeing Julie & Julia at the movies and thinking, "Hey, if I blog about meeting Brad Pitt, do you think he'd read it and call me up? Or at least comment about me to some random journalist? Or what if I wrote about Angelina Jolie? Or both... Now there's a win/win." No... that wasn't it.

Was it the remarkable, odd, you-had-to-be-there-to-believe-it, like-nothing-I've-ever-seen-before couple dancing at the jazz club I was at on Saturday... He dancing like some strange cross between a penguin and marionette and she like a 50+ cheerleader dancing to a song in her head that had nothing to do with the song the band was playing... No, not that either although that would make a great blog.

It was that I honestly, truly missed doing this. I missed sharing my experiences with all of you (or both of you... or just you and you know who you are) and hearing your thoughts come back to me.

I have so much to share with you my friends. I hope you're still out there and I hope we'll talk again soon.

Until then, good thoughts are going out from me to you.

Silly Season

So it's election time again. And again, actually. As Canada, through virtue of geographical proximity as well as economic, social, psychological and just about every other kind possible it seems, has been observing the two-year soap opera that is the American presidential election process, lo and behold we are now facing an election of our own.... One month from now.

I always have found it interesting that the United States spends so much time, energy and money on their federal election process when we here seem to rifle these things off in our sleep. Literally, sometimes.

I suppose if you use the old one-tenth comparator and presume the US spends around 24 months on their election process, our two month long one is totally predictable. But I still wonder how much can we truncate this process before we are only glazing over the surface of issues and candidates. I think the very nature of our election process demands a more attentive electorate. You have to pay attention because if you're not following things pretty closely, you're going to miss something. And that's a big presumption to make... that we're all paying appropriate attention. Especially when you consider that in the last federal election, only about six in ten Canadians with the democratic right to vote chose to do so, our lowest turn out in history. If we don't actually get out to vote, can we really assume that we are paying attention?

Well, I will vote as I always do. Being a daughter of a man who fought in a World War, I have always been intensely aware of the duty of participation that comes with this freedom we are blessed to enjoy. Being a woman in a country that seems to presume equality where it does not yet exist compels me to vote. And every chance I get, I do my best to compel those I meet to do the same. Take a few minutes. Cast your ballot. Make your mark.

But do me another favour... pay attention!

Summer Top Ten Revisited

So as we approach the last long weekend of the summer of 2008, I find myself thinking back over the course of the last two and half months or so. What have I done? What didn't I do that I thought I would? And what surprises have come along the way?

There is so much I've enjoyed about this summer, so many surprises that have met me along this journey that I thought I had well mapped out, And isn't that just the best thing you can hope for?

In reviewing my little Summer Top Ten list, the first thing that struck me was that the only item on the list that included, without doubt, anyone else other than myself was my hope for an invitation to a friend's cottage. And as it would turn out that was the one that had the greatest impact on me.

Let's review, shall we?

First, the easy part... What on my list did I get done? As I mentioned, I've been to a friend's cottage. Twice actually. With one more visit planned for this weekend. That's a big woo hoo! The trip to Kensington Market with my son Parker was a rousing success for us both, you've heard all about my unfortunate yet really fun day at the beach, Arbor Dogs were an easy one to accomplish on the beach day and I've made my way through a couple of great books to boot. For those teachers or accountants out there, that's five of the ten in the list that I can handily check off.

What did I miss? Well, I didn't get to AGO or the ROM but on my trip to San Francisco I was lucky to enjoy an afternoon at the Museum of Modern Art so I think I can call that one a "sort of" done.

I have not gone to a Jays game, seen a movie at a drive-in, gone to Fergus or the Toronto Zoo (or the African Lion Safari as an alternate). But as the optimist I am this is what I can say; I am blessed and happy to have replaced those items with...

I had a beautiful, spontaneous picnic on the banks of our Grand River and enjoyed conversation, great wine and impromptu visits from boys who were successful in their frog-catching expedition.

I went on my first out-of-country vacation in over three years, as I said, to San Francisco, met new friends, enjoyed fantastic food and had a poetry-inspiring lunch on a patio overlooking a winery in the the beautiful Napa Valley.

And best of all, I had a door opened up for me that I had considered closed for a very long time. More on that as time goes on but it has allowed me to view my future and my life with an optimism and exuberance that I haven't had for I can't say how long.

I think, at the end of the day, at the end of the summer, and at the beginning of this new chapter, I can say that I have most certainly come out ahead.

You have to love it when you find a path you didn't think existed and it takes you someplace wonderful.

Hello, again

It feels like it’s been ages… well, it has been ages really.

I haven’t written anything lately for a few reasons and even as I sit here writing now, I’m not sure I can articulate with any real clarity what they are.

First, it’s summer and time seems to travel at a different pace in the summer… more slowly but more quickly at the same time. There’s no explaining it really except to say that I have, on several occasions, found myself being acutely aware of the incredible passing of time while noting a moment seeming to last longer than one could hope or dream. Does that make any sense at all? Probably not.

Second, I have been busy changing. And change takes time, effort and energy. By no means am I done but I certainly feel that I have turned a corner. An important one that without navigating, the hopes and dreams I held for myself would surely never come true.

As one of my true friends recently told me right here on this blog: “Sometimes, it is difficult to hear because of the noise of others. The noise is comprised of opinions, judgments, identifications, and criticisms of you. You must filter the noise to hear the truth.” And that’s what I have been working at doing. The funny thing is, that as I resigned myself to a future that I was welcoming of but thought to be less than what I had once hoped for, I found that everything I was seeking was right there in front of me. Go figure. Once I shut off the voices of doubt, judgment and disappointment, all the messages of hope and love and happiness were loud and clear. I thank you, my friend, for reminding me of that pure and wise message.

And so here I am… watching the few remaining days of summer pass by while I fill them with all things and people I love. I am excited and hope-filled. Who could ask for more?

“Change, when it comes, cracks everything open.”
Dorothy Allison

Beach Blanket Baking

As I continue to work through my Summer Top 10 list, yesterday I crossed off number five, “a day at the beach”

I love the beach and being from South Western Ontario in a community perfectly nestled within easy driving distance of three Great Lakes, there are several beautiful beaches to choose from. When I was growing up in little Woodstock, Ontario most of my classmates went with their families to Sauble Beach, a lovely spot on Lake Huron that was a short, easy drive away and the beach of choice for most of Woodstock it seemed. I, however, never went for a few reasons… First, I was never part of the “in” crowd who went and knew that showing up would result in more torment than it was worth… Second, I was quite happy frolicking on the shores of the little lake that was tucked within the city of Woodstock, Pittock Lake (being very generous calling it a lake really… after all, it was created by damming the Thames River for crying out loud). I am, at heart, a simple gal.

Couple that with my family’s annual trips to Florida over Christmas break as well as regular visits to my aunt and uncle who lived on the shores of Wasaga Beach, Ontario and you have a love of the beach and all the glory that lives there that has been cultivated and expanded upon over the course of my lifetime.

So as I said, yesterday off I went to my current beach of choice, Port Dover. Again, a beach community located very close to my own town but this time a lakeside village on the shores of Lake Erie. It is not a large beach but it is a pretty one and with the ease of the drive and a door-to-beach commute of less than 40 minutes, I’m a happy gal indeed.

Sunday morning I packed my necessary beach gear (most of which spends the summer in the beach bag ready for a spur-of-the-moment jaunt)… book, iPod (to be used only in the case of an overpowering influx of unwelcome music from beach blanket neighbours), blanket, scarf to tie my hair back, wallet and sunscreen all easily tucked into the big straw bag that I purchased on my most exotic of beach trips, Nice, France. I did pack sunscreen. I did. But I did not use it. More on that later.

One of the things I love most about the beach is the symphonic layering of sounds… You have the constant lapping of the waves on the shore, conversations coming in and out of focus, children laughing and sometimes crying, dogs barking, music playing (happily on this occasion I was not bothered by a battle of the boom-boxes… do they still call them boom-boxes? Not likely), gulls calling all combining to the most perfect of white noises.

Although the beach was predictably busy for a perfect summer day, not too hot and not humid at all, I easily found myself a spot to set up camp. And there I stayed for the whole afternoon… I swam a few times, read for a while, walked for a while, laid out for a while… I was oblivious of time passing other than the unavoidable tracking of the sun across the sky. I felt nothing other than the joy of what seemed the most perfect of Sunday afternoons. Until I got in my car to drive home. There it was… that uncomfortable tightening of my skin on the backs of my legs all the way up, pausing then there again covering my back. Burn? Was I burnt?

It has always been predictable how I “tan” each year. One burn to start off the season then I’m good to go. Now, I am sure there are people out there screaming at their computer screens about the dangers of unprotected exposure to the sun, long-term effects of sun damage… I know I know. I’m a mom… I know. I spent countless hours fighting to slather sunscreen on my boys when they went out to play or at the beach. I know. I know better.

And I know the pain of sunburn… I’m the gal with freckles on her shoulders from a second degree burn that I received while coaching girls baseball with my girlfriend Ruthann when I was in grade twelve (I add that detail specifically because my friends will read it and either fall off their chairs laughing or out and out call me a liar… but I swear it’s true).

So I do know the dangers of sunburn and yet there I was last night, trying my hardest to find a comfortable position to lay where my back and rear end were not screaming in discomfort. And don’t get me started on sitting on the leather seats of my car or at my desk at work. I am paying the price. And I swear I won’t do it again… Until next year.

But what a day I had!!

Mind Over Matter

There are times writing this feels like ideas flowing easily from the gates of my mind... Then there are times like this, when I am feeling heavy from the weight thoughts that have no beauty in them that the words get stuck in my head and can't come together in any coherent, logical form.

I am looking for answers and I just can't seem to find them. I feel like so many aspects of my life are currently thrown up in the air and I am waiting and watching to see where they land.

I want to go with my gut on one issue but my gut has taken me in a direction that has brought me to a point where I am struggling beyond my capabilities... In other areas, I have done what I can and await decisions that will impact my next move in every other area...

And so I am looking desperately, darting my attentions around for sources of inspiration and support from anywhere I can. I am lucky because I am finding them and as usual, it comes down to where you focus your attention.

I stumbled upon a fun little website that takes words from any source... something you write in, another website or, in my case, a blog and makes them into a clip-art styled montage of the message within. Try as I might, I could not figure out how to insert the resulting image of my blog words into my blog so I have added the link to what was produced.

To my great delight, the word that was the most predominant was "happy" so I titled my Wordle "Happy Most of All"

Not yet, but I'm hopeful.