Rollercoasters with eyes open

It has been a long time since I've been on a rollercoaster... well, a real rollercoaster that is. I live on a rollercoaster but more on that later. And frankly, I bet you do too.

I found that after I had my children, none of whom are children any more, my tolerance for rollercoasters really just disappeared. More nausea, less fun. I tried them a few times, but always with my eyes tightly shut, hands firmly grasping what-ever seemingly inadequate restraint that was holding my life in its steely hands. But despite my repeated efforts, I never had that exhilarating rush of adrenaline that, in the end, made it worth the anxiety ridden wait in line. I was always left feeling queezy, scared and resolute in my decision to never, ever do that again. Until the next time.

I have always admired those folks who ride the rollercoaster with reckless abandon, arms raised (I know, warnings be damned), eyes wide open and faces frozen in looks of pure glee. I've never been one of those people, but oh how I have tried.

So, the rollercoaster that is my life that I am riding now, I have decided I have been riding with entirely the wrong outlook. My eyes have been shut tight, white knuckles bared and nails digging into the palms of my hands so the only thing that distracts me from the intensity of the anxiety is the pain I am inflicting upon myself.

That just seems like a tremendous waste of energy. And time. And me. It's time to lighten up, give myself a break and have some fun.

So here is my not-so-new year's resolution (why wait 'til January 1?). Open up my eyes. Look at the people around me who are enjoying the ride, scream until the anxiety is a long-distant memory and finally, even if a bit reluctantly at first, raise my arms up and fly.